It’s the end of senior year! Too bad for you, you won’t be graduating. After torqueing you all year, I’m happy to give you a rundown off all the reasons why you’ll be repeating senior year. As if missing over half the school year in the hospital with broken bones and concussions wasn’t enough, you were suspended by me for instant exposure (football team stripped you and made him crawl naked in the halls), trespassing (football team throw you off the roof into dumpster), destruction of property (football team broke multiple port-a-potties by slamming your face into the toilets), and breaking bathroom policy (football team dumped your lunch into the toilet and made you eat there). You complain that none of this is your fault. You came to me for help, and instead I helped the football team bully you more. You hear me tell the football coach to lock you in the locker room with the team so they could beat you up without interference while the coach filmed!

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